Why Didn’t She Say No, Fight Back or Run Away?

My heart often sinks in despair for the sexual assault survivors whose courage leads them to the witness stand.

Although I have been raped three times over the course of my life, I have never faced any of my perpetrators in court. And I have mixed feelings about that.

Part of me wishes law enforcement had taken my rape reports more seriously instead of relegating them to the waste-bin. Not only might I have experienced justice, other women might have been spared suffering.

Another part of me experiences a sense of relief because no defense attorney ever had the opportunity to cross-examine me as if I were the criminal on trial. No court of public opinion foisted their shame on me. My sense of self was never shredded by the incessant and cruel interrogation of my confusion and terror during the assaults.

I worry for rape survivors who testify. But I also admire their fortitude. And I feel a debt of gratitude to them for bringing the complicated terrain of rape to the surface where we can all revisit and examine our assumptions and blind spots.

Because even though it is 2020, we are still shackled to an archaic paradigm that forged rape laws for the express purpose of protecting men’s property rights. Not so long ago, women’s bodies were literally owned by men. For…